I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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