Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Randomize
