I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
