Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
