omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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