i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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