So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
