Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
