I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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