***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
