the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
