remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
