I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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