gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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