i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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