I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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