Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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