No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
