My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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