Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
