I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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