some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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