im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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