words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
