We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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