glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
