I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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