Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
