I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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