he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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