i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
