I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
