its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
