I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
