i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
