And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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