i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
No subtext here. People are naked.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
