i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
