anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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