Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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