K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
