just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
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