what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
