You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
