I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
