I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
