Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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