the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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