she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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