a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
