stop calling my apartment porn island.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize