I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
