covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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