No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
We named our party play list daddy issues
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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