I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
