did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
