Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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