how can u be prego again
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
