I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
