You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
