I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I think a kid would responsible me up
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
