fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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