if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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