i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
