there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
