Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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