I am in a vortex of obligation.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
