she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize