absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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