So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
