He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Everyone says I win the strip club
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
